Thoughts of a wanna-be author and student.

January 09, 2011


Recently I've been learning at just how little I know about myself. It's hard to realize your own habits because... well, it's yourself. How often do you do something and then analyze why you did it? I'm not exactly pleased with what I've been learning, realizing your faults isn't a fun thing, but I know it's for the better.

The more I learn about myself, the more I can change myself into someone I can be proud of. And pride is definitely something I need to learn. I've become so accustomed to not expecting things of myself to avoid feeling failure and I know it's because failure hurts--especially when you expect greatness.

I used to think I was fearless (relatively), but now I'm learning just how scared I am. I've been holding myself back to avoid feeling disappointed and yet I strive to be perfect for others to avoid feeling their disappointment in me. Oh, the way minds work.

But! Now that I'm discovering more and more about my inner workings, I've also realized why it's been difficult for me to get into Axel's head. Yeah, characters are their own person, but they also have a bit of us authors in them as well. If I don't even know myself how can I know him?

The layers are starting to be peeled away for both me and Axel. Day by day, his motives and true nature are becoming clearer. Who knew writing would be so revealing? I certainly hadn't realized it. 

There's a saying that stories reveal more about the author than you'd ever think. I've made my characters how I wish I was or how I used to be but now... Now I think it's time to make one of them how I actually am. (Not literally though!)

On a lighter note--I'm about 25% done with my scenes! (That's an estimate, I'm not sure if I did the math correct... Sadly, math has never been my strong suit.) I'm going to stop procrastinating and get that percentage higher. Having my niece over for the weekend was not conducive for lots of writing. Those of you who have children--you're amazing. I can't imagine having that 24/7! Love her to death, but she's such a distraction! (Though not the only one... the puppy is very distracting too)

Luca awhile ago. He's since had many hair cuts... but alas... No pictures of those!

If I finish up to scene ten by Tuesday... (eek, a challenge!) I'm gonna allow myself some ice cream and a couple chapters of Nicholas Dane. We'll see how this goes!

And because I feel like showing off, here's a baby Luca pic spam... Photos courtesy of Jessica--his second mom.
His ears are still that small in comparison to his head.

How is this not cute? Still sleeps like this... only bigger.
You can't deny this face!
And thanks to my amazing best friend for making these revelations happen! I love you~ I don't know what I'd be doing without you :)


  1. There'd be pictures if I had a camera!

    Getting to know yourself can be an upward battle, but I know you can do it :)

  2. Squeeee! So cute! I want to give him a kiss!

  3. Jessica - Yeah, we'll get more pictures soon! Thanks for the vote of confidence.

    Sarah - He's too cute! Every time I try to kiss him he grumbles like a two year old not getting his way. ...Which only makes me want to do it more.

  4. The growing and learning never stops! Good luck. I want to squish and hug that little guy!

  5. Thanks for the luck! :)

    He's definitely squish-able and huggable!


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