I Believe

As humans, we all get our doubts. It's a perfectly natural occurrence--one that I'm sure we'd all like to get rid of at times--and for some of us it happens a lot more often than we'd like. I know I'm one of that group. As writers, most of our doubts are pinpointed to the heart of our literary livelihood. Our stories. What if it doesn't sell? What if the chapters don't flow? Who besides my mom and dog (or cat for you cat lovers) will read this pile of words?! We all have our moments. (Don't try and say you don't.)

Comparing ourselves to others makes it worse. Not talking about it makes it worse. Butchering your manuscript for no reason makes it worse. Doubt is one of those monsters that gets fed by everything. 

And what makes it even worse? Someone telling you that you aren't good enough. This is the one thing as a writer--no, as a person--that I can't stand. No one, absolutely NO ONE, has the right to tell you that you suck. I don't care if they're a published author, editor, agent or whatever. I don't care if they're a chef, a world renown musician, a business tycoon, the president, your mom or your dad. I don't care. 

Your story can have more commas than words. (Though I hope it doesn't) It could have the blandest plot in the history of plots. Your characters can be 1D Marysue's. You don't suck.

One time when I was naive and a lot more selfish, I was with my niece (yes, my lovely niece pops up again!) and my mom. We were at some sort of parking lot--the details of this are fuzzy--and the radio was on. I was singing along to the song no where near perfectly and my niece started mumbling along to it, too. She was imitating me and at age four her adorable attempts at following the song were... well, I'm sure you can imagine. Me, in all my bitchy teenage glory told her to: "Stop singing. You aren't doing it very good."

........ Yeah. I told my niece--at FOUR-YEARS-OLD--that she wasn't good.

It took her until she was seven to start singing in front of me again. After lots of encouragement (because I realized what a douche move that was after the fact (and because my mom chewed me out for it)) she finally loosened up enough to do it. I could've made my niece never sing again. What if she grew up and had a beautiful voice? One that she was too afraid to use because I'd told her she couldn't carry a tune right at a whopping 4 years old.

Not saying everyone is like this, but you never know! You really just never know who's dream or future you could be killing when you say those fateful words.

So, no matter what anyone says--no matter what that little bastard in the back of your head says--You don't suck. 

You're not perfect. You might need a refresher in some of the basics of English. You might need to plot and re-plot for months. You might need to re-write your story sixteen plus times. You still don't suck.

That old adage "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me."? Utter crap. Words are worse than sticks and stones. Be careful how you use them. You wouldn't want someone to kill your dreams, so why kill someone else's? 

Exception being if they dream on being a crazy, muggle-hating megalomaniac or any other such varieties.

Believe in yourself and believe in others. Sometimes, you might be the only person that does--and you don't know how much that could impact their life and yours.

Awards

I received the Versatile Blogger award from Jessica some time near the beginning of December (yeah, been thinking that long!), and I really had no idea what to do with it. I recently received the Stylish Blogger award from Regina and Alison. Figured I couldn't procrastinate any longer. Thank you so much ladies!

Both awards ask for 7 things, so I'll do 14 to make up for lost time (though I don't think I'm really that interesting...)

1. Got my dog (Luca) from a stranger at a family reunion. He was about the size of a full-grown hamster then. Said stranger tried to entice my parents into buying him for me by demonstrating he could go potty on the grass... after placing him there. Oo, talented. (He didn't actually go, anyway.)
2. I really enjoy going to school and learning new things. Sometimes it's the highlight of my day. 
3. I went to cosmetology school and am a licensed Cosmetologist. In simple terms, I can legally cut your hair and ask you for money. :)
4. I'm one of the few women (at least, that I know of) that doesn't like chocolate. 
5. On that note, I'm probably also one of the few Seattlites that doesn't drink some sort of caffeine. That's right. Don't drink coffee or tea. (Eek.)
6. As I'm sure many of you have noticed the pink haired ladies on Twitter--I have really had pink hair. It was pretty awesome. 
7. I really really love storms of all kinds. I was totally jealous of the east coast's big snow. :( I wanted at least half of that. Could've gone for a quarter or an eighth...
8. I believe in ghosts. :) 
9. I'm kind of anal with pronunciations. It's hard to hear people butcher their words in French class. (One girl said "Mah-nit" instead of "Monet" during a presentation.) I've learned to squash the urge to correct people though--for the most part.
10. I am a super picky eater. You can try to compare all you want, haha. 
11. I like to collect rocks, candles and dried flower petals. Sometimes the petals don't turn out too well and I have to throw them out. :(
12. I've been writing since I was little, though I can't say it was really any good until a couple years ago. 
13. First couple times I tried to set out to write a book I always had someone who would be writing with me.
14. Yay, last one. Hmm, I like to chew ice. Nice refreshing treat that's cold and crunchy. And no calories!

So, the Stylish Blogger award asks for 15 bloggers to be awarded. The Versatile Blogger award asks for 7. So, a total of 22 links! Wow, okay.

     

Aun-Juli!                                Christina Lee!

Jessie!                                   Michael Offut! 

Sarah Ketley!                         Jennifer Hendren!

Susan Fields!                          Christine Bryant!

Kelsey Sutton!                        Raquel Byrnes!

Amanda Milner!                       Shari!

Christine Danek!                      Kiara Golding!

Marieke!

Kristina Fugate!

Kelly Lyman!

Patricia Timms!

Quinn!

Marjorie!

Rachel Morgan!

Tessa Quin!

Okay, wow. Lots of people! Tried to make sure your names were spelled right, let me know if not! Have a great day everyone! Also tried to pick people that I didn't see had the award already.

Stupid Dam

First things first, thanks for all the comments on the challenge post! Now to answering it. One, I do have a niece. She's adorable and very distracting. Two, she does own a rabbit's foot and I really do gag when I see it. I don't know why, but they are just so gross to me. Hers is supposedly real. It's tawny and supposedly soft--I wouldn't know, cause I refused to touch it--unlike the neon purple ones I remember seeing in elementary school.  Grass used to make me squirm. I couldn't walk on grass with my bare feet until about sophomore year in high school (about 5 years ago). I still don't like to sit on grass with bare legs, but I can deal with it.

The mythology science project.... Hahaha, well, lets just say that it was about the names of the planets so I told her to find out the names of gods and goddesses that would be the equivalent to the Roman ones and talk about that. (I totally helped with that, but, no one but you guys really needs to know that. :P)

The lie is that my niece and I have never played a game where she yodeled and walked down the hall "all fuliguline." (Wish she had though, cause that would be so awesome!) She does, however like to lick my cheek and attempt to tickle me. Jessie (by the way, go check her out. She's amazing and has great posts!) pointed out that because I'm not 100% bossy that could be a lie, too, so that could also be it. (I still think I'm bossy though...)

Now onto the rest of the post. So, 12 days ago I posted about being on track with my plotting. (You can check that out here if you'd like.) For the past 4 days I've been staring at my computer screen--specifically at the document where I've been plotting--with nothing but "ugh what happens next?!" running through my mind. The river of thoughts I had almost a week ago has had a dam built over it. I think it's similar to the Three Gorges Dam. Huge. Impenetrable And devastating. I am chipping away at it much like a stupid prisoner thinking they can dig their way out of a penitentiary with a spoon. (It might only be like the Hoover Dam, or something small like that--but it feels much bigger.)

I'm hoping when the dam breaks, the amazing reservoir of ideas will just flood my entire brain and I won't be able to think of ANYTHING but my plot.

How's everyone doing?

My Niece (Or the First Crusade Challenge!)

I love my niece. Really. But, when she comes in bloviating about a science project I never got to do (I know, my elementary school = depressing), I was jealous. But it’s okay, I helped her on it and it’s awesome. Gotta love mythology! (I know I do.) How mythology works into a science project? That’s for another time.

So, back to my niece—she’s adorable.  She likes to play games with me and I have to try to not win. I’m competitive. (Generally, at wrong times.) Hopefully I’m not going to be one of those parents who can’t let their kids win silly games. (That’d suck.) One time we had a literal silly game—where you do ridiculous things to make the other laugh. After licking my cheek (it’s a common occurrence, really), attempting to tickle me (which isn’t the way you’re supposed to play it), she starts going down the hall yodeling and walking all fuliguline—it was hilarious.

I’ve got a really strong motherly instinct. It’s a good thing, I think, but it can get me in trouble. Like when I take control of telling my niece what she can and can’t do when she comes over. It’s not “Grandma, can I _____?” It’s “Devin, can I _____?” Sometimes gets my mom a bit annoyed. (Oops?)

But, it’s useful. I can get really bossy. If you met the coworkers from my first job…. Yeah, I think you can get the gist. I try not to be too bossy!

And, back to my niece. Her lucky charm is a rabbit’s foot. Ugh. How I hate them. The sight of one makes me want to gag. Sometimes, I do gag. It’s almost the way dry grass-blades used to make me squirm.  She’s learned not to show it to me.

I may have revealed something about me that isn’t strictly true, can you guess what it is?

Belated Just Kiss Already Blogfest

Eek! I was supposed to post this Monday but.... as we can all tell that didn't happen. So, here is my 2-day late blogfest post! Figured it's better to have it late than never. It just feels wrong signing up for something and not ever doing it. So, yeah. Hope you all enjoy it. If you haven't already, be sure to check out the other posts.

This is from the old plot. 

        I stepped up behind Emelie as she slid the key from her skirt pockets. The vanilla and cherry scent of her hair tickled my nose. I couldn’t get enough of it. She jammed the key into the knob, twisting it roughly. “Are you sure this is the right key? It won’t budge.”

        “Here,” I said, leaning into her body for a blissful moment. I wrapped my hand around hers and shoved the key in further with a rough twist of my wrist. The door eased open with a creak.

        Emelie turned, eyes looking deep into mine. There was just enough light to see splashes of green within the blue. My heart rammed into my chest, aching. Heat curled in the pit of my stomach, my hands going sweaty. I wanted her so much. She licked her lips and swallowed. “Thanks.” Her voice was quiet and satiny.

        “You’re welcome.” I licked my lips and leaned in. Why did she have to be so beautiful?

         She pressed into me as her eyes flicked down to my mouth. I stopped breathing. She wanted me, too. “We… should head in.”

        “Yeah,” I breathed. Gods, I couldn’t hold it in. I closed the distance and swept my lips across hers. Her chest hitched with a gasp, but her lips molded against mine, her body melting into my hold. I tingled, relishing in the heat of her body, the feel of her lips—her hands, everything.  My fingers inched under her shirt as our tongues slid against each other, her skin smooth as lily petals.

         “Axel.” She pulled away breath heavy, her lips a strawberry red. “I—Lukas.” Her brows scrunched together.

        My body went cold. “Right… sorry.” I swallowed, moved away and shook my head. “I shouldn’t have. It won’t happen again.”

        She nodded and straightened out her clothing. “No, it won’t.” Emelie disappeared into the room.

        Stupid fucking Lukas.

On another note, the crusades are taking off like crazy. Eek. Looks like my self-imposed internet ban (was supposed to keep distractions away so I could plot faster.... which hasn't happened) is now over. I've got a lot of stuff to read now! And to my crusading group, hello! 

How's everyone been? Busy? Bored? Going crazy? Needing to go out and get crazy?  I wanna hear. :)

Plots and Crusades

My plot and I have gone on dates, and I think we're finally working our issues out. Hurray~ I truly think this change was for the better, so I'm pretty happy. I will admit I've been a bit lazy with writing everything down and getting it set out. I've just been letting my mind run wild and come up with all these ideas for it, that it's almost a little difficult to get it all pinpointed!

I can't wait to get started on writing again--my 600 words a day this past week or so hasn't been kept up. (Eek) All in all, I feel like I'm on the right track. I don't have everything figured out, but that's okay right now. I'm still in the creation process--though really, writing an entire novel is a creation process, but shh! Don't tell my brain that.

Also, I've belatedly jumped into the Crusades that Rachael Harrie is hosting. Go check it out here. Seems like it will be epic. And less bloody than the actual crusades. (Lucky for me! Seeing how I faint when I see blood... many stories about that, but that's for another time.) Head on over!

Lastly, cause my plot is calling me again, finally found somewhere that's hiring! (Yay. Money is always useful.) And, I have tons of candy--and therefore will be going on a sugar high. Let's just say that I love it when I get to indulge in my sweet (actually sour) tooth! Wonder if I'll get more on the 14th...

How's everyone doing? What're you going to do for V-Day?

Changes

So, it seems like I'm doomed to never get to the double digits. Once again, I'm changing up my plot. It's kind of frustrating to realize what you have is just short of working out. It's enough, but it's not great. Generally, I think we all aim for the great, or even the amazing sort of stuff. I'd like to hope that my WIP will eventually be great.

I've been debating between whether or not I'll go in a completely different direction or just adjust it a little. I could combine the basic structure of this WIP with the idea for another, or I could just tweak it. Decisions, decisions. 

The hardest thing is that I'd love to keep all of what I've already written and not change it. It's also hard to change the story idea I had only because it'd been running rampant in my mind. As I've chewed it over in my mind, it's getting easier, but, there's still moments of doubt. 

Change is always hard. Sometimes it makes me want to give up, but, haha, I'll never let that happen. I don't care how many times I'll have to do this, I'm not going to stop. 

Hopefully--like the good old saying--the third time's a charm.